Initiative and Completion

I find that my energy, both physically and with regards to my enthusiasm towards a project, comes in waves. I am baffled by people who don't seem to need periods of rest after periods of activity, all I can speak to is my experience as someone with a wacky immune system (SLE). I have to really watch my balance of rest versus activity or I end up rather set back in the energy sector. The rest isn't entirely a waste of time, as this constant nagging guilt I'm working through would have me believe. Rest is when my best reflection happens and the way forward becomes clearer. Still, it can be frustrating waiting to catch the next wave of energy when I know what it is I want to set to work on. Thankfully, the momentum of a project moving in the right direction seems to lessen the amount of energy required to engage with it. However, that initial hurdle is often times a pretty large one.

I was so daunted by the size of this canvas that I had my family help me paint the first layer.

The name of this initial hurdle is almost always Perfectionism, for me at least. Once I have resolved to make something, I need to find the initiative to address the blank page, white canvas, or raw materials. I have my creative mantra on the wall of my studio, painted by a talented local fellow-artist, which reads, "I give myself permission to create (for the sake of creating) that which is messy, imperfect, or impractical." I will also sometimes call to mind the phrase, "Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can." If neither of these are working, I'll resort to lowering the stakes of the project. This means if I had an idea in mind but I don't feel I can execute it perfectly, I'll say the project for the day is to put any colour on the canvas and move it around. Almost without fail, if I have the time and space and I use the last tactic, I will soon feel the call of a second colour and a third...

As the layers build up, the past layers still make their presence known.

Once I have the energy to get going on something and the enthusiasm and momentum build, the stage is set for the mythical flow state to enter. For me, this is the wonderful feeling of a work revealing itself to me by my hand. Plenty of trial and error has reinforced two requirements for getting into a flow state of creating: Time and Space. There needs to be intention around both or the result either feels rushed or forced. I have found I can coax myself into this state more easily with the help of music and incense. Very often I will measure a creative session by the duration of burning one stick of incense.

The kids are picking up the same idea in their art. Layers are fun!

I have an endless number of works in progress on the go. I am striving to ritualize the completion of projects so there is a way of formally declaring them complete. Otherwise, I am prone to returning to something continuously in an attempt to make just one more tweak... The phases of the moon add a deadline component to the process. I am setting a goal of one finished painting per moon for now. In time, I hope I can increase that output and incorporate more of the textile element of my art into the cycle. I've already overshot what I thought I could do as far as writing daily, but I am determined to trudge forward and not let perfect get in the way of what could be very good.

Gouache hummingbird. I was daunted by attempting to make this realistic but I started with the background and suddenly I had momentum.